A Mainer, prolific writer and the first woman to ever receive the Pulitzer Prize for poetry, I've long admired St. Vincent Millay and her unconventional life and works. Her words above speak the truth to me today, especially when applied to living life with a chronic illness like type 1 diabetes, where there is no end to the struggle, save the final chapter. Unlike some cancers or other sometimes curable diseases, diabetes lingers for a lifetime and forever changes you and the trajectory of your life.Even in sleep, it does not rest, awaking me again last night with a 34 mg/dl bloodsugar and striking me again and again with frightening nightmares, surely my mind and body's way of waking me up and letting me know something is not right here, and danger looms.
I've never not woken up during a hypoglycemic reaction at night, for if I didn't, that would simply be the end of me, since I live alone. A serious hypoglycemic reaction found my uncle alone, and ultimately took his life from him and his family way too early. I've adjusted my basal rate and always take a snack before bed, but continued bouts of stubborn night-time hypos remind me of such scenarios. I look forward to the day Yudi and sleep together again, not only for the companionship and cuddle-power, but the peace of mind in knowing there's another person next to me, who loves me and will help me, at times saving me from a fate I fear most, should I need it. Such sobering, somber thoughts make me think of her famous poem from 1920, First Fig:
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends---
It gives a lovely light!
8 comments:
I'm sorry you had a bad night. Hypos at night are one of my biggest fears. It's amazing how secure you feel having someone you love beside you. In truth, I really miss that!
Hopefully you and Yudi will be together soon. You make such an adorable couple.
I'm going to have to look up St. Vincent Millay. That first frank quote really peaked my interest, and I didn't know she wrote the bottom poem even though I've heard it many times.
That is so scary. I am sorry to hear about the night time low! I wish Yudi was here, too, and I look forward to the day when he is.
:(
Hi Amylia.
Bad, bad number, 34.
I hope you're ok now, and not too "hungover" from that awful thing.
Jeez! I am so sorry you had a terrible, scary night.
I hate those night-time lows! They're the worst. Hope you're feeling better today.
I hate nights like that. I hope you didn't feel like crap all day. I always do the day after.
I understand the fear of living alone for that reason. And I, like you, have not ever NOT woken up during a low. But it's scary to think we might not.
It would be such a better peace if I knew someone was with me... but I also love living alone.
i loved the quote.
i'm so sorry you have to feel these damn lows in the middle of the night!
i know what you mean about being alone. but it is almost Tuesday for me. wish it was a "Tuesday" for you!
Scary. I bet the nightmares are not fun either, and probably leave a lasting impression too. It's so damn unfair.
I too look forward to when Yudi can keep you safer through the night.
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