The Honeymoon's Over!

My love affair with Taiwan has ended. In other words, the honeymoon's over! I still enjoy my life in Taiwan in many ways, but the initial feelings have changed. I've hit the 6 month mark of my relationship with Taiwan, and things are a bit tense right now. Are we in a slump, or should I dump TW? Do I end things? Break-up? Start therapy? Ignore it? Talk about it? Hide it? Like all good relationships, these things take time and understanding. I'm not giving up on Taiwan quite yet, but I do know that I've hit a rough patch, also known as phase two of culture shock. Having lived abroad before and worked with exchange students for many years, I know all the right things to say or do to try to help someone with culture shock, but you know, it's very different when you feel it yourself so strongly. I'm a textbook case.

I know culture shock is real, and comes in five stages. For me, stage one, a.k.a. "The Honeymoon Stage", is over. Too bad, because the honeymoon phase is fun: enjoying the excitement that arises from being in a new place where everything is interesting and experiencing a mild euphoria at everything around me. I'm pretty sure I'm on to the second and most difficult stage of the culture shock: actual shock (a.ka. the disillusionment phase).

Oh yes, I've done my research, and I know that this stage can be characterized by loss of courage and general discomfort. Changes in character and mood can occur, like depression, lack of self-confidence and irritation, and people become more vulnerable and prone to crying, more worried about their health, suffer from headaches, bad stomach aches and complaint s about pain and allergy. Difficulties with concentration often occur and reduce the ability to learn a new language. These factors increase the anxiety and the stress. I definitely feel that way quite a bit lately, as well. I can put a check next to most of those factors, at one time or another these past few weeks.

I find myself criticizing things that the people in TW do wrong (which means “differently”). This stage can be characterized with escape, wanting to go home or just escaping. I definitely feel that way now. I feel like I'm being "mean" or very critical of Taiwan, but I can't seem to help myself. I really feel it, even as I know that I'm a classic case of culture shock, and yes, this too shall pass. Some of the hostility comes from natural difficulties: problems with work, difficulties with language, as well as the fact that the people in the host country just don’t care about these problems or don’t seem to understand them. I hate to admit it, but I gotta say, I do feel it. I really do. I'm glad I have friends and people who love me here. I have people I can turn to. People who might not totally understand what I'm going through,but will listen to me and try to to help.

Being a foreigner in Taiwan is lovely at first. People go out of their way to be hospitable, and genuinely want you to come to love Taiwan, but over time, that fades. In the beginning, people are often well received, but when time passes and the novelty disappears, the attitude often turns into indifference or dislike which foreigners experience as hostility. Thus aggressive hostility can escalate on both sides. I feel that, too. Clearly. I'm there. I'm in it. I hope it will pass soon. If you're a Westerner, you're usually welcome in Taiwan, but you'll never be considered a real part of their world, no matter how long you're here. I miss feeling like I belong, feeling like I blend in. Feeling normal. I want phase three to start. Phase three sounds good.

The third stage of culture shock is characterized with one’s plunging into new ways of living. With patience, it is possible to reach this stage by the end of the first year. (damn! 6 more months of this? Heaven, help me!)Key aspects in a new culture are being learned and the earlier chaos and lack of direction seldom appears. Relations with the native population are initiated, such as neighbors and colleagues. The vocabulary and pronunciation is being learned. Instead of standing outside and watching the culture with critical eyes, people plunge into the life of the new country.

So, the theory of culture shock is one thing, but to be feeling it so strongly, to know it is real and to feel it in every fiber of my being is not easy. I am taking a trip home soon, which I think will be good for me. I hope it won't prolong the process, but even if it does, I need a respite, and am glad I'll be getting one soon. Thanks for reading this long dissertation on culture shock, and helping me through it by letting me write and talk about it.